HeadAcHe

Headache...
While typing this entry, I have a headache so severe that tears are welling up in my eyes and I have this medicated sticker pasted at 5 different spots on my head, neck and face. All fingers of mine are already cold and I can hardly open my eyes...

*Should I shave my head? Maybe with lighter head mass, I've got less frequent headache attacks?

I've got this tormenting headache since I was 15.
After my mother passed away, I used to go to the hospital alone to replenish my pain killers.
I could still remember that I used to carry those pills in my little pocket everywhere I went till I was 23 or so. When I was 18, soon after my father died, the headache sessions visited me more often and they were so bad that I couldn't bear the excruciating agony anymore and just cried. I went to the University Students' Clinic and told the doctor to refer me to the Neuro Specialist at the University Hospital and get a thorough check up for brain tumor. Alhamdulilllah, the result was negative...

Today:
As far as I recall, I have got this NON-STOP throbbing, sharp headache for the past 2 months straight... seriously, EVERYDAY! Sometimes it was so bad that I couldn't do anything but cried. So bad that every time I've got it, I feel like poking my head with a screwdriver! I know that panadols aren't effective anymore, therefore, the only solution I could think of was having a really hot shower to expand the blood vessels in my body especially at the cranial areas hoping that the blood flow faster. Every so often it works... (perhaps psychologically!)

Honestly, I've been haunted by my historical background of cancer related deaths of my family members. I'm scared of getting brain tumor. "Nauzubillah, God forbids"... *Ish, sapa lah nak jaga kalau sakit2...
I am praying hard that these are just another temporary strikes of Stress Migraine.

Here in Japan, I haven't got my insurance yet due to the visa thingy... So, it is impossible to go to the clinic or hospital. *Sakit macamana pun tahan je lah... Even with the insurance, I don't think I am able to pay for a full check or even tumor markers blood test. Should I go back to Malaysia and get a proper tests and treatments?

I don't want to live life in agony like this... It is too painful for me.... *sob sob